center of attention

I feed my cats every day around 11. This means that from 10 am or so, I am the center of their attention. They stalk me, meow at me, follow me, paw at me, look at me with adulation, swat at me, mock me, and so forth.

Now I know how the Kardashians feel 

this i promise you...

In the last few years, I have begun to feel a desire to bring back cool elements from the past. I started to wear waistcoats when I teach. I bought an Indiana Jones hat. That kind of stuff.

Now I'm contemplating more frequently incorporating dead vocabulary into my speech. I already slide in "amongst" instead of "among." But it's time to step it up.

The next time I feel the need to insult someone, I will call the person in question a "one-eyed, hair -brained jackaninny."

It will be epic.

why don't I have an official soundtrack?

 My life needs more drama.

I've often thought about how the first day of any class I teach should open with flashing lights and a theme song. I could enter the classroom like a professional wrestler. It would be cool. I'm not sure the students would be any more excited than normal, though.

What I really need is a digital music player that catalogs my music, labels it according to mood, and allows me to play music accordingly. Angry? Push a button, and suitable music comes on. Another button for boredom, another button for depression, another button for thrill-seeking behavior.

Again, venture capitalists can e-mail me.

pay me for my ideas

I was listening to a podcast on technology, and it occurred to me that we're thinking about online data all wrong. 

Everything we do online gets tracked. So far, all this information is only used to sell us custom advertisements. This is such a waste. Half the time, it means targeted ads for things I just bought. 

There has to be a better way.

I can imagine a service that tracks your internet travels and ties them to career paths and work satisfaction. That way, 20-somethings can pay a slight fee to find out what their ideal career should be, based on how their interests align with those of established professionals.

I got ideas. E-mail me, all you venture capitalists.

is this how they describe me?

Today, on the way to her school, my daughter was telling me about a classy. "He's annoying."

"Annoying, how? In what way?"

"He's like a higher-vocabulary version of an annoying kid from last year."

My girl has a way with words.