Friday, July 31, 2015

ready

I have a gig tonight. As with any performance, the key is to be (as Fats Dominoes said) "ready, willing, and able to rock and roll all night." Welll, I am ready. Actually, I am way too ready

My readiness started a little over an hour ago , when I found myself completely unprepared. A friend texted me, asking when I go on. I told him I had no idea, and then I went online to find the bar's phone number. Only I found out the show was scheduled to start at 7...and it was already 6:15. So I grabbed my gear and a few pieces of cold pizza and ran to my car. Of course, when I got to Frankies Inner City, I found out I don't actually go on until 11:30. Sigh.

Getting ready for the gig really only meant hauling my guitar into the bar. I went ahead and also set up my merchandise table, but even with the handy dandy new TheMikeDuBose shirts, that only killed a few minutes. I would just hang out with my band, but my drummer is currently in his rv, driving westward. That is all anyone knows. Hell, he doesn't even know where he's going. So I don't have a band with whom to hang. I would hang with my trombonist, but he's at home, resting up after a hospital stay where he had a tube stuck down his throat. Said tube was sucking lettuce out of his colon. That's all I know, and frankly, that's all I want to know.

So now I am ready to go, but as I don't actually go on for four hours, my level of readiness is a little too high. What do you get when you are way too ready? If you're like me, the answer is "bored."

So please come down, talk to me, and maybe even buy a shirt.

food for thought 7/31

"The worst thing in the world is to kind of start thinking you know what the score is, 'oh, I know about that, I understand because the minute you do that, then you start to close down, you get old."
--John Cleese, on the Nerdist Podcast

Wednesday, July 29, 2015

the future looks bright.

In case you ever hear anyone complain about "the kids today" and how we're all doomed, you can tell them all that the future will be in fine hands. How do I know this? Because the last few days, whenever I help my daughter out of the car, she grabs my hand and says "thank you, my fellow."
Relax. We're in fine hands.

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

writing in new forms

Tonight was a writing night for me. I've been pretty productive as of late, and I have about 5 or 6 songs which I haven't played out as of yet. Tonight was a good one, as I polished off/up two songs and got a draft of one which has existed only as a fragment for several months. As I was packing up my supplies, I realized my songs have been really different lately...and I figured out why. It was all because (sorry about this) I took a look in a book.

(Insert theme music here)

I've known for a while that I needed to expand my music career. For the most part, I play a lot of shows which are both low exposure and low paying. Most of them are in only a few area bars. I think and have been told that I'm reasonably okay at what I do, and I feel my music is good enough to where I'd like to get more people a chance to hear it. So, the summer mission was to get a bit better at this music game.

One of the things I decided to do was to learn a bit more about the songwriting process as practiced by professionals. I have never really had the desire to be a professional songwriter myself because my songs are largely my own attempts at self therapy. But I thought if I could benefit from seeing another view of the craft, I could maybe make my own process a little more effective and productive.

I got a pretty good book on songwriting (I'd tell you which one, but it's late, and I don't want to wake up my kid) and dove in. The biggest takeaway for me was thinking more explicitly about the process and the theory. I started to think about exactly what I'm doing. And the theory indeed does help me write more effectively. I'm still me while writing, but I am much more aware of what I'm doing...and I think that has led to better songs.

As I was packing up tonight, I realized my last five or six songs haven't had choruses. I've long known that songs didn't have to have choruses. One of my favorite bands the Drive-By Truckers have tons of songs without choruses. It wasn't something I ever did myself, though...with the exception of a blues song or two. Now I have lots of them.

So what does this mean? I have utterly no idea. I don't know if this a new weapon in my arsenal, or if it's one of those things. The songs are cool enough, though. And they are different enough from what I have been writing to stand out in my sets. So, if it is because of the book, that's pretty cool.
And to think it all happened because I looked in a book.

Wednesday emergency gig

This Wednesday (tomorrow...or today, depending on when you get this), I will be doing an emergency show. I play the Hump Day Revue at 9:45. There will be several world debut songs...so if you like me, there are good reasons to come on down.

There's a bigger reason to show up, though, as it is the Bowling Green farewell show of my friend Maddox. For those who don't know, I've been playing with Maddox for some time now. I met him when he joined my band Magnosaurus, where he played drums. During that, when he heard that I was thinking of recording an album, he agreed to play drums on it and then offered to record it.

We really got to know each other during the process...because, as I've said before, recording is a long, dull, and generally boring process. But we both cared deeply about the process, and we taught each other about the art, recording, and ourselves. I am fiercely proud of our work together. Maddox was also the only constant in every incarnation of my band. So, to say I owe him is an understatement.

So if you don't come to see me, come out to see Maddox.

today's food for thought

"Just being self-reflexive and self-deprecating, that doesn't make you a bigger person, it doesn't make you a smarter person. Sometimes it's just being...selfish, or being insecure."

-Simon Helberg, The Nerdist Podcast

Monday, July 27, 2015

gig, gig, and potential gigs

Shows are on my mind...both real and potential.

First, the news. Friday, I play at Frankies Inner City in Toledo. This was originally scheduled a few weeks ago and should've been our last band show. Then...something...happened, and the show got delayed to the very day my old drummer is moving. So it's now a solo show. Should still be a good time, though, so contact me if you want a ticket.

I probably will not have my trombonist with me, though. He's currently in the hospital, getting lettuce sucked out of his intestine through a tube. If you see him, ask about it...it's sure to be a humorous story.

Contrary to previous reports, I will not be playing Saturday. I was scheduled to do a benefit, but said benefit sort of imploded...or is it exploded? Gotta get my metaphors straight. So if you wanna see me this weekend, you have one option.

I do have a farmer's market show in a few weeks, but that's the only thing on the schedule. My attention is now on finding new places to play. As well as spending this weekend upgrading the website, I also put together a new demo and took off Saturday with a colleague to hunt for new venues. We hit three places. The first was a chain place that was a cross between a Scottish pub and a Hooters. The manager was very nice, though, and he seemed genuinely interested. This is more than I normally get from bookers...they are generally not the most effervescent people in the world.

Place two was an outdoor bar with a good firepit. It looked really cool. The booker wasn't there, but the bar manager said he was looking forward to listening to my demo on his way home. They also have the place next door, so that could be a nice score.

Place number three was a nice tavern which happened to have the same name as a southern restaurant chain which is known for their pies. The booking manager for this place also not there, but the bartender told us she runs a booking company which covers several places. Later, I found out said booking company also extended to several states. Again, this has the potential to be a wonderful score.

In addition to these places, I have a list of other potentials. In addition to wanting to break into a more financially viable array of Toledo shows, I also want to expand my reach. Ideally, if I could get a paying show once a month, I would be over the noon.

Details forthcoming as soon as I get them.

Saturday, July 25, 2015

vegetarian side effects

I've been a non-meat eater for about a year now, and I'm still discovering new stuff. My latest realization is entirely about mustard.

I like mustard. We used to be connoisseurs of the stuff, always having several varieties of mustard on hand at any time. At the least, we would have a yellow, a whole grain, a Dijon, a German, and  honey mustard. Since I quit eating meat, though, my mustard consumption has plummeted. I hardly touch the stuff anymore. I never realized it was such a meat-centric condiment.

And now you know this as well.

physical artifacts and ego

I've always had geeky rock star fantasies. While I always knew at some level that I would never be a world famous rock star, I did still want some of the trappings. This was the impetus to do silly things such as get customized guitar picks. Yeah,  not absolutely necessary, but there's something to be said for stupid joy in what is at least partially an exercise in ego in the first place.

This is why, when the rest of my first band was less than enthusiastic about getting tee shirts made, I set up an online store at a print on demand company. There were a lot of drawbacks, most notably that the shirts were very expensive...too much so for our few broke fans. Plus we didn't have anything to sell at shows, so we ended up selling next to nothing. That was okay, though; I mostly just wanted a shirt for myself.

My next band did get shirts made. Moreover, they were both good sellers and moneymakers for us. Quite often, we would make more money from merchandise than we would get paid for the show itself (which, to be fair, is also due to how badly we were getting paid as much as anything else). In fact, we would've ultimately done okay financially, but we broke up a few days after ordering more of the damn shirts. We had to give away our back stock of shirts at that last gig just to get rid of them.

My next band didn't stick around long enough to get shirts made...much to my chagrin. I didn't even get a sticker for my car, and I'm still ticked about that. Any my current alt country band doesn't have any merchandise either. In a certain sense, it's like those bands don't fully exist in a physical sense...I have no evidence of my efforts in either, and that hurts my geek sensibilities.

For my solo work, I have made progress on the physical artifact end of things. I got stickers early on, mostly so I could see my name in print. I released my album, and I got actual CDs made in addition to making it available online. I spent way too much time doing the artwork, particularly for something so few have purchased. I don't care. I just wanted a physical manifestation of the album. After all, I do have an ego...somewhat.

To this point, though, I have not done shirts. Even though they could be moneymakers, I just haven't had the available cash. Hell, I'm still trying to pay off album one while socking away enough to get album 2 pressed. But shirts have been on my mind. Aside from the ego thing, I could use another source of income. I do hope to be able to do more albums in the future, and they don't come cheap. I just hadn't figured out a way to make it work.

A couple of weeks ago, I discovered something which might change everything. I ran across a web page on how to make bleach stencil shirts. The end results look pretty damn cool, actually. They would also be a whole lot more durable than any other DIY shirts I've seen. Every home silkscreened shirt I've had has started to peel within two washings, and that just can't happen with a bleached design.

The best part about the process, though, is that it seems eminently affordable and doable. All I would have to buy is some shirts, bleach, and freezer paper. Finding the freezer paper would actually be the hardest part. And this should be cheap enough to where I can have an attractive price point. I'm going to have to engage the crafts-oriented portion of my brain (which generally are not tremendously adept), but I'll do it if it gets me cool merchandise.

So, hopefully, I will have shirts by this weekend's gigs. Shirts. My geeky fantasies demand them.

rethinking my online presence

I've been trying to think of a way to make my online presence (primarily as a musician) more effective. Online really is all I have. I have no budget for advertising, and putting up fliers only is able to target so many people. The internet can be a great tool, and I've decided I need to make it work better for me.

This is particularly an issue for poor broke indie musicians such as myself. I have a ReverbNation page, but I don't know how effective it is, and, the more I explore it, I think it's mostly designed to get musicians to buy into their advertising and services. I have a Facebook music page, but at best, they only send my updates to 25% of my followers. It's usually much lower...again, they just want me to pay money for ads, and I don't have the money to spare...being a starving artist and such. Anyway, Facebook is kinda creepy, and I'm trying to minimize my patronage of their service.

So I've decided to centralize everything around my blog. I've added a music page which has a few songs available to stream. There's also a video page with my latest live music videos. I list my upcoming shows in a widget on the right. I've also started a mailing list for updates about my music; sign up in the box on the right, and I will update you with any news and developments about upcoming shows, recordings, and whatnot.

Of course, this website is still first and foremost my blog. If you're only here for the music stuff, I'm perfectly fine with that. The tools I've added are there for your benefit. If you want more of me, though, please feel free to read the blog. I talk about my music here, yes, but it's pretty much a place for me to open myself up and explore anything which comes to mind. Dive in as deep as you wanna, and if you feel like engaging in the comments, that is always welcome.

I'll still keep ReverbNation and Facebook somewhat active, but I think this should be a much better venue for my music career. And if you want to get to know me better, the blog and comments sections are there for you.

Thursday, July 16, 2015

the lessons of asphalt fumes and hard work

They just redid the parking lots in my apartment complex...fresh layer of asphalt, new lines on the spaces. Constant repair on roads, sidewalk, and parking lots is one of the realities of living in the North that I didn't expect when I was getting ready to leave Florida. Our winters are very hard on the infrastructure, so everything is in a constant cycle of dis- and re-pair. Quite often, when I smell the tell-tale odor of asphalt, my mind can't help but thing of structural issues. This time, it's different. This time, every time I step outside, I'm reminded of high school and work.

While I spent the vast majority of my 16-28 years working at the pizza place (and yes, I still have dreams), my first job was actually working in construction during the summer before my junior year. My brother was in community college and got a summer job working at a pavement marking company--they painted lines on parking lots and roads, installed concrete parking bumpers, and so forth--and his boss asked him if he knew anyone who could use a job. Pretty soon, I was working with him.

My first introduction to the world of work was laboring over chemical fumes on freshly laid asphalt in the 100+ degree Florida summer. The work would be grueling even if not for the heat, but with the sun, it was nigh-unbearable. Add to that our boss. He was a really nice guy, but he was as amped up as anyone could imagine. He'd bring us coffee, for instance, but it was terrible convenience store coffee, and he wouldn't bring cream or sugar because it took too long. We got a half hour lunch break, but when he was with us, he would inhale his food in five minutes and spend the rest of the lunch rushing us so we could get back to work. And what could we do? Knowing that we needed the money and could be easily replaced, we complied.

As for the job as a whole, I was torn. There were things I did like about it, and (forgetting the boss/worker tendencies of all involved), I liked my coworkers. However, I hated feeling drained to the point of collapse each day, and I hated knowing that ultimately, I didn't really make a difference to the organization as I was so easily replaceable. And if there was anything the job taught me, it was that I did not want to do construction.

I learned a lot from each of my jobs. I worked for a temporary work service, and that taught me how easily workers can be seen and treated as disposable entities. I worked in several warehouses, and that taught me I could continue to physically operate while mentally checking out. My time in the pizza industry taught me many things: how to deal with coworkers, how the general public looks down on those who serve them (that is, when they see them at all), how to talk on the phone, how to multitask, and many more things. It did also reinforce the "disposable worker" element as well, because for my first few years, the company refused to hire plumbers to clean our grease trap and made the employees do it (which was highly illegal, particularly when they told us to throw the hazardous waste in the dumpsters).

For years, I wondered if the "disposable worker" thing was just me. I know that being treated as a replaceable machine cog helped facilitate my mistrust and hatred of authority figures and structures...but then again, I always have been a bit of a depressive. But several years ago, I started a day in class where I polled the students on their worst jobs and what they learned from them...and surprise, surprise, I found out that everyone knew in their guts that workers are almost always disposable. Two years ago, I started asking students who've worked register (at restaurants, retail, or grocery) how many customers actually looked at them in their eyes. The answer? Usually around 5%. This means that 19 out of 20 customers treat the person taking their money as beneath their notice.

A week or two ago, one of the 2016 presidential candidates said words to the effect that people just need to work more hours, and everything will be okay. My students certainly know better. Even the ones who are not hard workers know this, because they have been taught that workers and work are not particularly valued. I learned this throughout most of my jobs. Hell, one of the reasons I stayed at the pizza place so long was because, as I was in management, I honestly felt I was making some kind of impact on the company and my area...and one of the reasons I left was when I fully realized that I was as replaceable as anyone.

Workers are not the problem. I know that in my heart. I know that in every bit of work experience I have ever had. I know that from the tales my students tell. And I'm reminded of that every time I smell the asphalt fumes.

Monday, July 13, 2015

the logical fallacy referee

I'm always looking for a way to liven up my teaching and grading. So when I found Logical Fallacy Referee, I knew I found a good tool. And because I love y'all, I thought I would share

Sunday, July 12, 2015

gifts are welcome!

While I never really expect anyone to buy me anything for no good reason, I would certainly accept free stuff. Generally, I try to have some type of humility, but greed does overtake it from time to time. So, if you ever feel the need to indulge me, I would, for the record, be just fine if someone bought me this mounted T Rex head trophy.

random weekend observations

In lieu of a proper post, here's what's been on my mind this weekend:
  • Feel lost in this world? Well, heroes do exist...and they look good in costume.
  • I got to see my tattoo artist to set up an appointment to finally finish the Lego half sleeve! I was unable to convince my wife to set up an appointment for a full back piece. Ah well.
  • The best thing to do when caught in a dying field is to find interesting ways to fiddle...such as when a friend who works in radio did a segment entitled "men's tennis or gay porn."
  • I saw articles about how Michigan natives and idiot twins Kid Rock and Ted Nugent both support Southerners who want to keep flying the Confederate flag. Look, "I wasn't trying to offend you" is a legitimate response to a claim of offense. Every one of us has done thoughtless things. But, once someone tells you that you did in fact offend them, you can no longer use "I didn't mean it" as a response. And if you continue the offensive behavior in question, you are just putting your own desire to be a jerk over a fellow human's emotions and dignity. And if you do this, you're a real ass.
  • My daughter told me she loves me because I make her smoothies. Take this how you will. When I told our favorite diner cook about this, he thanked me for finally telling him how to please women.
  • I saw some friends's bands on Friday night. It was great. It did, however, make me think about how none of them ever came to see my band. Cue Saturday's depression fit.
  • We went to the Maumee Valley Unitarian Universalist church today and watched a documentary on the 2014 Elk River disaster. Just a hint: everything even slightly related to coal and coal mining can kill you.
  • The church was weird. I didn't have a single instance of anyone telling me I was inherently evil and was doomed to burn. I don't know how to handle that.
  • They do have a church kid's area. At first, the very mention of it caused my daughter to start crying. By the time we went to pick her up an hour later, she asked me if she could come there every day.
  • I love it when I get to experience the "small world syndrome." When we dropped off our daughter at the kid's area, I thought the adult in the room looked familiar. After the service, I found out she was a friend of our from about 12 years ago. Neat!
  • I also got to post a video of my band playing at the Old West End Festival!

Friday, July 10, 2015

entering yesterday's new internet

I like to think I'm a pretty forward-looking guy when it comes to technology. I got online in 1995 and had my first e-mail address (using the glorious PINE e-mail program, no less!); there were computers in the university library, and I had time to kill between classes, so I thought, why not? As I've been sticking with the tech, I've seen many trends come and go. Some left deservedly (IE4's push technology, for instance), and others have stayed undeservedly (Facebook). None of this has really freaked me out, because I keep in mind that the internet is far from settled technology. It is instead still constantly in flux. Really, the internet is so young, we don't really even know what it is yet, so it only makes sense to ride the wave. As a result, I tend to dive in and give everything a try. Why not? In the end, no one's going to hold my brief time on Friendster against me.

Yet in spite of trying to adopt this view, I am often frighteningly behind the curve. I didn't get a cell phone until 2004, for instance, and I didn't get a smart phone until last year. Finances often hold me back. Other times, though, I just have no excuse. I did not, for instance, listen to a podcast until last week. And this is one I wish I would've corrected a long time ago.

I don't have a large listening list yet (I am open to suggestions; to what should I be listening? let me know, please). However, I can full-heartedly recommend Mark Maron's WTF podcast. Yesterday, I finished his talk with Laura Jane Grace from Against Me!, which was inspiring as hell (I'll write about this after I have a chance to fully process it). I'm now listening to the Barak Obama episode, and it's also revelatory. I love the depth of insight you can get from a less structured discussion, and I wish I would've started this earlier.

I wonder what current thing I'm ignoring?


Thursday, July 09, 2015

flags redux

I really, really hate to admit this, but I was wrong. In my 6/22 post a controversial opinion in the aftermath, I argued that the battle over the Confederate flag only really had value as a distraction from the real issues of racism. This view of mine was (shudder, shudder) not right. The flag controversy has, instead, real value in that it has brought a rang of conversations into popular debate.

Two articles in fact stand out so far in my readings. First, Their Flag and Ours examines the competing Northern and Southern Civil War nostalgia. It's great as a study of how victory (or lack thereof) affects memory. The second, The South's Heritage Is So Much More Than A Flag (written by Patterson Hood of The Drive-By Truckers, no less) makes the case more eloquently than could I that the flag is the worst possible representation of the South anyway.

New opinions are always good.

Monday, July 06, 2015

my Onion horoscope, 7/6/16

Once again, my Onion horoscope goes beyond humor into "peering deep into my soul" territory:

"It's rare that people can live a happy, healthy life without friends, so the crushing depression you're feeling is perfectly normal."

Friday, July 03, 2015

bloatware labor

I work in a University where, even in the face of budget crises and such, has an ever-increasing administrative level. This makes it much like every other university in this (and probably other) countries. Under our last administration, class sizes and teaching loads went up because of lack of funds. But at the same time, the College of Arts & Sciences was split into five separate colleges, each with its own level of administration. It never ceases to amaze me that the powers that be favor everyone except those who do the actual work of the institution.

Note I said "amaze," not "shock." When I teach my students about the traditional model of class, my undergrads are all quite clear that the middle managers don't bring any capital to production nor actually produce anything. I tell my students that some organizational theorists say that the heightened pay of middle managers is only really a symbol of power for workers who, in the end, don't really add anything of value to the chain of production. My students are not surprised by this...indeed, they already know it instinctually.

Unnecessary software on computers or phones is called bloatware. But what do you call uneccesary workers? I don't have a good term. I do know they, with their artificial power and lack of productivity are usually annoying. But there's another angle on this I did not consider until I read the article (salty language warning) On the Phenomenon of Bullshit Jobs. Yes, the article comes with an inherent bias, but to my mind, it hits pretty much spot-on. Besides, who couldn't get behind the fifteen hour work week? Imagine how much saner it would make the world.

my crazy kid ii

Yesterday, when me and my daughter were getting bagels, the bagel shop had an easy listening radio station playing. The REO Speedwagon song "I Can't Fight This Feeling Anymore" came on. After a minute, my daughter quite solemnly turned to me and said, "this is my ballet song."

Tuesday, June 30, 2015

my crazy kid

I was holding my daughter after her shower, when she told me she wanted another backpack. This isn't unusual in and of itself, as she has four of them (yes, she's a little backpack obsessed). This one, she informed me, needed to be big. Big enough to fit the whole town in. Big enough to fit people. She would take the small people and, using her magic power, turn them into dolls. The big people, she would turn them into giants. And the medium people? She is, for the record, going to turn them into (wait for it) submarines.

My kid. I'm sure she's going to rule the world one of these days.

music and math

I always have a hard time recording. It's not just because the whole process can be boring beyond belief (there is a whole lot of waiting involved). The biggest issue for me is that you are constantly under a microscope. You're not usually able to record everyone at once, so you have to go one at a time, to a click track (a computerized steady beat)...so everything can synch up.

I've always found this incredibly annoying. When i play solo, i can be fluid with my timing to greater highlight the peaks and valleys of the song. When I'm with a band, I'm used to fitting in with other musicians and their idiosyncrasies. The quirks are always what makes it real to my ears...and computers don't have quirks.

As always, it is nice to get scientific confirmation of my own unscientific biases. The article What Differentiates Human Drummer's From Machines? tells of a study which argues that "in every human performance, there are tiny flaws which follow a pleasing fractal pattern."

Once again, I discover some other cool application of mathematics which makes me wonder why my math teachers only ever talked about pyramids and trains leaving stations. If I knew there were such cool math applications, I would've tried a lot harder in those classes.

practice and play

I sat down to practice guitar. I broke out my Telecaster, plugged it into my Traynor, and started warming up. The first thing I noticed is it had been so long since I played that electric, I had forgotten how damn good it sounded. Then, after a scale or two, I started to see how many songs from my old bands I still remembered. Then I started to see how many old heavy metal songs I could sing and play. Then I looked at the clock, and two hours had passed.

Practice is good...but I forgot how fun it was to just say "the hell with it" and simply play.

a rock and roll dream

When I was younger, I was just a guitar player. I wanted to be the guy who stepped to the middle of the spotlight and let out a stream of guitar histrionics. I wanted to interrupt the flow of the song to put my virtuosity on display. I also had a desire to get the unaccompanied guitar solo, where I would keep the crowd enraptured with just my pick, my fingers, my strings, and more than a little distortion. I was, after all, a heavy metal kid.

I quickly matured out of this mindset. For one thing, I wasn't all that good, and i certainly didn't really have the coordination to be a shredder. Plus while the mindset required had many desired qualities, it became quite clear I didn't have the confidence to pull it off. Ego was not my strong suit. I was, after all, a shy, depressed kid.

Another factor, though, was that I discovered songwriting. It seemed a more complete dream. I wasn't all that good at it (in spite of being able to come up with decent riffs)...I wasn't mature enough to have any real insights about life, and I didn't have the patience to really think of structure. Plus I still wanted to show off. I was, after all, a guitar player.

My post-teenage efforts to become a musician kept failing, though, and I eventually decided to call it a day. I would focus on becoming an awesome scholar instead (snicker, snicker). So I finished my Bachelors and Masters degrees. I moved to Ohio, started my Doctorate, and started a new life. And, while I was living this new life, a funny thing happened: I grew up. Another funny thing happened: as I grew up, I became a better guitar player...and when I started writing songs again, I was a much better songwriter. I was, after all, finally a bit mature.

I never really let go of my rock and roll dreams. But when I grew up a bit, my dreams changed. I wanted to front an awesome band. I wanted to be at the helm as we went through a great rock and roll song. I wanted to be singing and bashing out chords while my band mates were all behind me, in perfect time. I wanted to feel the drums behind me, to look to either side and see friends singing and playing with me. I even wanted to hear horns. I am, after all, eclectic.

I finally reached this with the last two incarnations of my band The Antidepressants. The last two gigs were particularly great, and on numerous occasions during each, I looked around me and realized, hey, I'm living in my ideal rock and roll situation... And it was glorious. I am, after all, a dreamer.

Friday's gig was, however, an ending. My drummer is moving away soon, and since the bassist was using the drummer's equipment, it means this incarnation of the band is done. My trombone player is still gonna play with me, for which I'm thankful; the trombone as an instrument adds a unique feel to my music. Plus the trombonist is always so damn happy to play. We will do shows as a duo. I am still very much searching for a new rhythm section (so, if you're a drummer or bassist...). I am nowhere near done. I will get that dream back, no matter what it takes.

I am, for the record, nothing if not persistent.

my Onion horoscope, 6/30

You know I love my Onion horoscope:

"You're the kind of boring person doomed to be alone while trying to solve all the problems instead of hanging out with the cool people while assigning blame."

airport bars

I used to love airport bars. There was something about hanging out in the middle of the day at a bar with complete strangers, swilling a Bloody Mary (which I only ever drank in airport bars for some unknown reason).

The conversations were better. We were all completely disconnected, away from any home base, in no control over our situation or agenda. Therefore, we could be honest with each other...particularly as we were all a little lubricated and would never see each other again. It was the open honesty of no expectations, and it was beautiful...and I miss it tremendously.

I haven't flew in ages, so airport bars are out...so I have no real place to try to recreate the experience. I don't drink any more. So I have utterly no idea if I would be able to recreate it anyway. Is there even an equivalent? Maybe therapy?

I dunno...maybe I'll ask my therapist.

recapping

I was never a fan of the Iraq war. No, this is an understatement if I've ever made one. I thought the war was horribly misguided, an exercise in hubris, ego, and idiocy, more motivated by W. trying to outdo his dad than by any actual strategic need.

I got an actual hint of this the first time time I flew after 9/11. I was sitting in the airport bar drinking a Bloody Mary (as is my wont), when a guy took the bar stool next to me. We started talking, and I learned 1) he was a Merchant Marine, 2) he hadn't had a beer in over six months, 3) he had been hauling military gear and weaponry to the middle East for the duration of his deployment, and 4) the flow of arms began about a week after 9/11, almost as if (in his words) "that bastard Bush had been just waiting for an excuse."

This struck a nerve in me, because people were already dying, and as a military brat, I knew it would be people in the same position my dad was in decades earlier who would be doing the dying...on our side, at any rate. I knew a sizeably larger numbers of Iraqis would be dying, and their plight would be mostly ignored in the country of the invader.

So I have strong feelings on the matter. But they are largely just that, feelings. A more logical recap of the war will hold more weight with most people. So, when I ran across the article The Ultimate 'What If'; A World Where America Never Invaded Iraq, I knew I had to share it.

And I swear, after reading it, I'm even angrier now.

Sunday, June 28, 2015

my views on drugs

I do drugs, but just the normal ones...sugar, caffeine, the infrequent cigar, and the occasional Cheez-it. I don't do any illegal drugs. I got some good opiates after my surgery, but I didn't like taking them all that much (mostly due to the unfortunate side effect of constipation). I quit drinking mostly to avoid pseudo-gout flare-ups and more kidney stones, but I've found myself not only physically but mentally more healthy.

Still, if you ask me about my attitude towards drugs, I might just point you toward the article It's Time to Legalize Drugs. Only I might be a bit stronger in my attitude.

games are important

I have always gotten more than a little upset when someone tries to counter any critical take on any story, media text, or entertainment with "it's only a joke/song/pop music/show/whatever." I am (or maybe used to be) a culture studies scholar, so I know there is no such thing as innocent entertainment.

Still, it's always nice to get confirmation that culture is a more complex than people realize. Enter the shockingly interesting article Inside Monopoly's Secret War Against the Third Reich. If we could only get such unexpected histories out of all our culture, I could maybe get over my anger.

Saturday, June 27, 2015

teaching and certainty

Teachers share many experiences, but one of the most eye-roll-inducing is the "I don't know why I failed when I think I'm brilliant" student. This semester, I had several of them, and, as usual, they were painful to deal with...and a few of them never did realize their true level of work. Similarly, all teachers can pull out tons of stories about students who firmly (fervently even) hold on to their misguided beliefs even in light of contradictory evidence. This past semester, I had a few which ignored anything that didn't directly support their own beliefs, and they did so with the tenacity of a wounded pigeon.

This is the hardest thing with which teachers must deal (other than online course management systems and administration, that is). I always tell my students that I will give them no answers, and that they will in fact leave my class with less certainty than when they entered. I tell them this, even though I suspect they don't believe me. But questioning everything, up to and including themselves, is in fact the desired state. I've always believed this.

Still, it's nice to have corroboration. This is why I was thrilled when I read We Are All Confident Idiots. It gives an overview of the science behind both the original overconfidence and the desired lack of certainty. I'm already violating my own Thou Shall Not Work Over the Break rule by trying to figure out where to fit it in to my Fall classes. And I strongly recommend all my teacher friends do the same.

I'm 100% absolutely certain they won't regret it.

Thursday, June 25, 2015

watching the watchmen

If you haven't figured it out yet, I don't trust most police officers. In my life, I've had very little reason to trust them. I was a heavy metal teenager, and because I looked different, I was more likely to get singled out by them. I lost count of the times me and my brother would, while driving, get pulled over by cops for no reason. I once got kicked out of a McDonald's in the mall by a cop who kept his hand on his gun. One day on my way home from work, I got pulled over, frisked, and had my car searched... all because I had an out taillight.

And I am fully aware that all my incidents were all mild. I know that if I was an ethnic or sexual other, I would most certainly be more heavily followed, and maybe abused and attacked. I am, after all, a white male, and while I looked different than the cops, I was close enough to them to avoid any racism, homophobia, or anything else which would compound these authority figures abusing their authority.

Look, I know being a cop can't be the easiest job ever. And yes, it does have its dangers, but it's safer than being a fisherman or electrician. But even if it was the most difficult job in the world, that would still be no reason to do it badly, no excuse to abuse its power.

So, no, I don't like cops. And after reading the Interview with the Baltimore Cop Who's Revealing All the Horrible Things He Saw On the Job, well, now I'm just plain scared of them.

I mean, more than I was before.

dreams and departures

Last night, I had a dream that I was playing again with my old band Analog Revolution. We got a gig at a local music festival, and I couldn't help but fall into the illusion that we'd play together forever. It's the childhood musician's dream, to find the perfect band mates and develop together through the rest of our lives, to become a well-oiled machine.

In this dream, I was running a bit late and missed the first half of our set. But I jumped on stage and had a great time playing the songs again. After the set, we broke down our equipment and hauled it to our van, but I realized I lost some of my guitar cables. By the time I found them, however, the rest of the band had scattered, and the band van (which I had to drive) had turned into cardboard. Then that cardboard started to buckle. Then I woke up.

This means something, obviously, but I have other things on my mind. Tonight's the last practice of version 3.0 of my band. Friday is the last gig. Then I have to try and find yet another backing band. I think I have something set up, but only for 2-3 gigs a year...and more permanence would be nice.

My wife last night complimented my on how well I've been taking this ending. Frankly, though, I have a lot of practice. After Analog's drummer moved away, Black Swamp Rats lost a rhythm section via Facebook, and then the band itself broke up again via Facebook. My next band, Magnosaurus, also broke up via Facebook. And my solo band has already gone through several incarnations. So I'm kinda used to it.

When I finally got it through my thick head that any band would break up, I learned self-sufficiency. Now, no matter what happens, I'm prepared and can carry on. But, if I'm honest, I miss the illusion of that lifelong band. It would be nice to have permanence as something other than a dream. Still, I must soldier on.

This post, by the way, is both a description of my musical career and a metaphor for life.

Monday, June 22, 2015

a controversial opinion in the aftermath

In the wake of the South Carolina church shooting, there has been a groundswell movement to remove the Confederate flag from the state Capitol. For the record, I do support this. I don't think that flag should fly anywhere. It's a relic of an ugly, ugly cause.

However, I can't help think the campaign, while well-intentioned, is more a distraction than anything else. The flag is a hateful symbol, yes, but in the end, I'd rather eradicate that for which it stands than the just symbol. Getting rid of the flag is fine, but why not instead fight the ignorance behind it? Maybe battle the ugly institutions behind it (such as the ugly hate groups and fundamentalist organizations)? How about instead battle for better and better funded education? You know, so people might be less stupid? Do this, and people might realize on their own how stupid that flag is.

Or is this too controversial of an opinion?

subtlety

I am (warning: shocking news coming) not always the most subtle person in the world. This is particularly true when it comes to my music. I tend to have a fairly "smack you in the face" style of applying guitar effects. I have been, in my last two rock bands, the "throw in a loud guitar solo" guy (which, to be fair, was my assigned band role; my last singer used to, when describing new songs, say "and Mike goes crazy here"). And my guitar tone has been, until lately, of the "how much distortion can one add?" variety (although to be fair, I have been trying to rectify the situation, and my new amp really helps).

Writing-wise, I am also not the most subtle person. As an example, last night, I started writing a song called "The Hate Blues"; it's about (warning: shocking news coming) everything that I hate, everything that makes me wanna strangle baby ducks. I do have some more subtle songs, but subtle artistry is something on which I need to seriously work.

So it was with great admiration that I read a great interview with Chuck Palahniuk about Fight Club 2. I loved the original. On the surface, it was a very in-your-face film, from the direction, to the photography, to the acting. Then you got to the twist, and you realized you were watching a much more subtle, in-depth film than you thought. This is exactly the thing I love in narratives.

The sequel also looks intriguing. Instead of a film, it's a comic book...so it employs a completely different set of writing tricks. One of the things Palahniuk and his collaborators talk about in the interview is deliberately obscuring panels by overlaying objects over the art and dialogue.

This idea of designed obscurity utterly fascinates me. I don't exactly know what the musical analogue would be...yet, that is. This is definitely an avenue for further investigation.

Being not-so-subtle and subtle at the same time would be very zen. It would also be pretty cool.

father's day

Yesterday was Father's Day. It was a strange and random weekend...which, in the end, ended up being about emotional extremes.

My wife and kid were staying at the in-laws, so I spent Saturday and early Sunday with my time divided between working on my home recording acoustic guitar technique and watching brainless television (my latest is Xena: Warrior Princess) while learning blues licks on my electric.

I don't spend a lot of time by myself anymore. It is one of the costs of being a father, I guess...that and being the designated household fixer/assembler of goods. About the only alone time I normally have is when using the bathroom or showering, but even that is still open for daughter invasion. So when I do get solo time, it's an adjustment.

It's not so much the quiet, or the ability to concentrate with fewer distractions, or actually control the television. No, it is the related dulling down of emotions. When I'm alone, I get less emotionally involved in...pretty much everything. I'm not sure if this is something which happens to everyone or if it's all the fault of my faulty brain, but it does happen to me. About the only time when the family was gone that I did get "the feels" was quite honestly when I saw the Google doodle of the day.

Then the family came home, and I got the best hug-and-a-kiss from my girl ever. Then we went out to eat at Tony Packo's (my brother-in-law's choice, which was fine by me, even though it was not the most vegetarian-friendly place; I had to order the only two meat-free appetizers on the menu...which is neither here nor there, actually), and I got to have more family time. Then, when we got back home, we got to show my kid the new fish tank we got for her...and I got to share in her estaticness. Then I called my dad, and that felt great as well.

Final judgment? I got more done by myself, but I got emotions and hugs with my family. I'll take the latter.

Sunday, June 21, 2015

a wandering perspective

When I was still doing scholarship, I had a real issue trying to limit my critical approach to just one area. I got my Masters in English, but I couldn't just use literary scholarship or theory...I had to include work from other disciplines (such as psychiatry).

This had both positives and negatives. Bringing in outside stuff did help me stand out and add some real depth to my work. However, it increased the amount of work I had to do. As well as gaining fluency in my own field, I also had to be reasonably conversant in other fields. This, of course, made going into Culture Studies a perfect fit, but my doctoral area of concentration just compounded the issue. I realized I was out of control when I found myself sitting at a table in the library with a two-foot stack of books on Sociology theory...all for a single footnote.

I did eventually give this all up (aided by me bombing out of the academic market). Still, I continue to have a semi-serious interest in a bunch of other fields, including chaos theory, network intelligence, complexity, and urban planning...and I particularly love discovering folk who apply one of these areas to other fields. So when I discovered an article about the show Sesame Street redesigning their sets using the principles of urban planning, I was stoked.

It's always nice to see the creative application of neat theory...even when it's not me doing it.

unlikely heroes

I will freely admit I have not fully studied the situation. I will also freely admit I'm not exactly a fan of her work. However, I have to admit I am quite pleased with Taylor Swift for her battles in favor of artist royalty payments from streaming services.

I do perform one of her songs when I do cover sets. But I'm not really a fan of hers. I find her a bit silly and over the top...and I don't really like her style of music. However, I have to really admire Miley Cyrus for her charity efforts on behalf of homeless and lgbt teens.

It's nice to discover and be reminded that not all celebrities are not valid, egotistical jerks...well, at least all the time.

Thursday, June 18, 2015

terrorism

When I was part-time teaching, I somehow got two sociology classes at a nearby community college. They were an awful lot of work (especially as the only sociology class I ever took was an introductory class several decades before), but we were able to do some interesting stuff.

One day, we tried to define the word "terrorism." My main rule was that I would not accept any student definition which could also be applied to the American government. I thought this would be fun and a little difficult. What I did not expect, however, was that we would not be able to come up with any definition at all which wouldn't also describe the Allieds in World War II. And believe me, we tried...for a good 45 minutes.

The lesson we learned is that the word terrorism only really had any specificity at all as a political label. Using force to instil terror? That happens all the time, from insurgents operating a road bomb to the US government anti-drug policy. Position is everything. The other thing we learned was equally fun: as a species, we are certainly a violent, nasty lot...and this is deeply instilled throughout our history and society.

Having said that, however, there is a certain "I know it when I see it" element to terrorism which is undeniable. The key is to not let the obvious emotional connotations overcome our logic and common sense. The concept of terrorism is not a legitimate excuse to not think.

Take the recent church shooting in South Carolina. It is certainly, undeniably terrorism. However, we can't stop at just labeling it as such.

This particular type of terrorism is one that's easy to trace. The abundance of and easy access to guns is certainly an issue, and to not address it would be disingenuous. The racist roots of the attack are also pretty clear and obvious, from the apartheid-era South Africa flag the shooter added to his jacket to the Confederate battle flag which is near-omnipresent in the state (and yes, the Civil War was about slavery; the South Carolina secession notice specifically mentioned slavery).

Now I know that treating something as terrorism can lead to very knee-jerk reactions (see The Patriot Act, the never-ending invasions of Iraq and Afghanistan, anything done by the NSA, and so on)...that's clearly not the best option. But neither is pretending there are no grand problems at the root of the initial act of violence. So, instead of discounting terrorism or responding with corresponding terror, I would like to suggest we look honestly at the actual causes and try to address them. Try admitting that weaponry is a problem and then work to remove it from the equation. Admit that ignorance is running rampant and then work to eliminate its sources. You know, stop these things before they start.

Yeah, I know...probably seems too crazy to work, huh?

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

a writer in a police town

When I was younger and just starting to write songs (or at least poor versions thereof), I made a more or less conscious decision to avoid writing political songs. I did have pretty strong political convictions (which were, in hindsight, almost as immature as my early songs). I reasoned, however, that by the time I got a band together and played out, there was a good chance that my politics would be overtaken by events. So why try to be current?

Incidentally, as it took me several decades to actually play out, this ended up being a pretty sound decision even if for different reasons. As I write this, I'm much older (ancient, even) and  (debatably) wiser. I'm much more radical in my politics, and I get more extreme with each passing month.

I still don't do political songs, though...but now, it's not for lack of trying. The first draft of "Rise Above" (which, incidentally, will be on my new album) was very much a political rant against a specific person who has, as he's aged, started to embrace politics based seemingly on the strength of anti-intellectualism contained therein. But the structure didn't work; there was a spoken word/list portion at the end which was just too exhausting to pull off live. The first revision didn't work either, and eventually, I nuked the whole thing and made the song about (shock, shock) my depression.

It's hard, however, to avoid politics when the amount of stupidity seems to increase exponentially. With ever passing glance at the news, I become more pessimistic...and that pessimism demands an outlet.

The latest thing to hit me in the full rage triggers is the increasing police state in which we live. The idea that, in order to feel safe, we should give up all our rights is astounding to me. Couple this with authority figures arguing they should be exempt from any limits on their power, and I start to get angry.

A while back, the sleepy little midwest college town in which I live replaced all their closed circuit cameras with new hi-def ones. They also got their own SWAT unit. And their own bomb dogs. And I'm pretty sure they also have their own armored personnel carrier. And, I should be perfectly clear, we do not have a concentration of terrorists or anything around here. This stuff isn't to up the number of undergrads cited for public urination or anything . So why do we have it?

The simple answer is "because they can." What authority figure wouldn't want stronger, more potent symbols of their authority? Well, the obvious answer is "a sane one," but that's not how law enforcement has worked for some time.

This has been bothering me for some time. If I had faith in humanity, I would believe the police department's military hardware would only be used sparingly. But, as I said, I'm getting more and more radical as I age, and I can't help but ask, "if we give them all these hammers, how long before they see everyone as a nail?"

That is why I'm now sitting at my normal bar, contemplating finishing lyrics for the angriest, most political song I've ever written.

Monday, June 08, 2015

should I tell?

How may I tell you about my gig at the Old West End festival?

Should I tell you about the strange journey of trying to get our gear from our cars to the stage? Of how we had to send our bassist to hunt down a golf cart and driver?

Should I try to describe what it felt like to try to set up our gear and play while battling the distracting smell of frying elephant ears and roasting corn?

Should I mention my initial fear when my pedalboard decided not to work? Or when my low E string kept going out of tune in the middle of songs? Or of my relief at being able to cope with on the fly?

Should I mention how cool it was to finally play a band show with people I know in attendance? That I had both family and friends in the audience (in addition to whomever had to listen to us while they ate their food court offerings?)?

Should I mention just how awesome my band sounds, particularly when our trombonist is able to join us?

Should I explain how delighted I was that, as I was post-gig packing up my equipment, my daughter came over, grabbed a guitar cable and pretended it was a skip rope?

Should I try to describe the general uneasiness I felt when sitting on the back of a golf cart, straddling my gear, and tearing through the parking lot back to my car?

Should I express my joy at having the entertainment director ask me if he could call me next year and schedule me for a better timeslot?

Should I go on?

Saturday, June 06, 2015

our morning festival

Tomorrow, me and my band plays The Old West End Festival. We play the Art Fair stage at 11am. I try to give my all at any show, but this one is particularly important for me.

First off, I've been trying hard to break into the Toledo market. I've played a few shows, but they have been, as a rule, last minute and weakly attended. I'm hoping that, as this is a festival, there will be more people at this one. Being the opening act on a Sunday, though, means that a crowd is not a certainty. Last year, she. The Antidepressants 1.0 played a festival in Tiffin in the early Sunday slot, we played to festival volunteers and no one else. Here's hoping we do better tomorrow...it would be nice to make some Toledo fans.

The other reason this show is important to me is that it is the next to last show for this incarnation of my band. Come July, my drummer moves away, taking our practice space and the bass equipment with him, and I will be forced to reconstruct the band yet again. So if you want to see TheMikeDuBose and the Antidepressants 3.0, you have either tomorrow or our June 26 Howard's gig, and then that is it. So, seeing as no one I know has yet to see my band, I hope some of y'all can make it.

If you're in the area, you can make an old rocker's day by simply showing up. How can you resist?

post-apocalyptic toys

As my tattoos would attest, I really like Lego. In addition to being a wonderful toy and having great philosophical implications, they are a wonderful art medium. Combine that with some inspiration, and you get awesomeness such as Lego versions of Mad Max vehicles. I really, really, really want the second one.

they really get me

Once again, The Onion is frightfully accurate. Yeah, I know they are supposed to be a parody paper, but I suspect they are really doing autobiographical research on my life. The evidence? This story: Man Honestly Thought Breakdown Would Be More Obvious to People.

Friday, June 05, 2015

post-6/4 show decap

So how did last night's show go?  The first thing you should know is warts.

I have warts on my foot. Check that. I actually have a wart colony on my right foot. You have to love the name; it makes it sound like it would be a swell place for a tropical vacation. Instead of being a nice white sand beach with cabanas, though, it instead looks kinda gross, actually. It hasn't really bothered me otherwise, so I've been dealing with it. My wife, however, found it a bit disturbing whenever she tried to gaze lovingly at my sole, so I decided to go to the podiatrist and get it taken care of.

Yesterday morning, I had a morning foot appointment. The doc removed some dead skin and then applied some of the super-duper strength foot drugs. They did this before, and that time, the medicine mildly stung. This time, it made the whole colony blister up, swell, throb, and go owie. If I wasn't so manly, I might've whimpered.

This made the day challenging. Walking sucked. Standing sucked. Doing anything which put pressure on the foot sucked. Most of all, carrying all my gear? Up stairs? That also was not pleasant. So the whole day, I was feeling a little weird. Add to that a last-minute show. Very weird. Plus, as we learned from the whole canned cider incident, weird vibes were in the air anyway.

My set went well in spite of having a mixed vibe. I was the first person of the evening who wasn't playing his acoustic guitar through an electric guitar amp...so I sounded better than the others (who were younger than I and less experienced at this kind of thing). I was gonna use my new pitch shift pedal, but the electrical plugs in the bar are bad, and my adapter kept falling out. Plus my cool mood lighting wasn't working for some reason...which I guess one should expect out of a $5 clamp light kept in the trunk of one's car. I also managed to spill my drink while setting up...not that it was the first drink ever spilled on that stage, but still.

I am, however, a professional at all this (in spite of not getting paid), so these were all easy to overcome. Plus I think I know how to properly approach a solo performance. Too many people just bust out their three chord songs one after another, with no real break from the angst. I, however, learned a very important lesson from my friend Micah Schnabel: a solo performance is still a show, and an acoustic guitar need not lead to any less intense of a set. So I have my banter, which, thanks to my teaching experience and my time doing comedy on the radio, I do pretty well. I pace my sets well. I play strange covers (last night, it was Miley Cyrus's "Wrecking Ball"). I play my kazoo (which definitely adds to my performance's element of unexpectedness and memorable). I would add to this by moving around on stage like a low-rent Angus Young, but the sweat already drips directly into my eyeballs.

I was well-received. I got applause, "woo"s, whistles, and immediate feedback (my song "How to be Cynical," off my album Skeleton Coast, apparently "rocks"). Overall, everyone seemed to like me (save the headliner Gareth Asher, who never came out of his van to see any of the openers...unbelievably rude and unprofessional, but there you go). 

I did not sell any albums, though. I pointed a few people to my Bandcamp page, and I hope they get my stuff. It would be nice if they paid for it; although I know cds are going extinct, it would still be nice to make enough money off album one to pay for album two's pressing. But in spite of the current lack of monetary support, I am making connections. It is, after all, a long game.

The one bad thing, though? When I got home? My feet were absolutely killing me. Oh well. I guess a little throbbing wart colony blister pain is worth it. It is, after all, rock and roll.

Thursday, June 04, 2015

tonight's gig

I'm playing a show tonight. I only got the gig Monday. It's at one of those "bands have to sell tickets" shows. This means I am doing tonight for free, because even if I knew of people who wanted to come, three days isn't enough time to do marketing. That's okay, though... I will do these until I find someone in the Toledo area who will pay. Who knows? Maybe I'll sell a CD or two.

After I set up my merchandise table, I headed to the bar just as the first act was starting...and they informed me I was the only person they didn't know. They're doing better than me. I only know the bar staff. I sat down at the bar, and ordered a cider. The bartender brought me a can, and when I commented on how I was expecting a bottle, she said, "of course it's in a can; it is a fruit."
That's probably a sign of how the rest of the night is going to go.

Tuesday, May 26, 2015

creative process

I'm at Howard's for my weekly writing session...which I actually haven't done in about a month. Little changes, though. The bartender still knows my drink. I still get recognized by a barfly before I even reach the bar. When I get to my table, there's a condom packet. The packaging advertises the perfect fit by showing a (doubtlessly illegal) screen shot of Tetris. This is new, but it's so in character with my surroundings that I give it a pass.

I have, since the semester ended, been reading a songwriting book. It has had its intended effect, that is, to make me think more explicitly about things which I know mostly from learning as I go. I have several others in the apartment complex office waiting for me to pick up, and earlier, I ordered a few guides for diy musicians. It is one of my goals to, over the summer, get more serious about my music. I care too much about it to do this halfheartedly. Additionally, I suspect I actually have more talent than my album sales or concert attendance would suggest...and I guess it's time to go down kicking and screaming in my efforts to be an artist.

Inspired by my reading, my mind involuntarily generated a chord structure while I was making my peanut butter and banana sandwich lunch. I ran back to the study, broke out my acoustic, and recorded a crappy demo after stumbling over a potential chorus. However, it took me until having a depression fit while cooking dinner to come to some idea as to what the song was about.

So what is the song about? What are my songs always about? Me, of course, and my depression a little more specifically. My particular angle of attack this time is based on Wil Wheaton's maxim that depression tells lies. It certainly does, but it does more than just lie. It inspires massive jealousy, the kind that makes looking at social media a bad idea lest one start to hate one's friends for their successes and travels. It also instills doom, paranoia, and resentment, in my case, towards my sick and moody child. When all this happens, is one really living? This is on what the song (or the songwriting process, depending on one's perception) will focus.

So now I'm here to write. I've got an idea of the melody, but I'll embellish and explore that after the lyrics are in draft form. My main goal is to scribble lines into my notebook. If I'm very lucky, I might get enough to start sculpting them into a lyric.

Time to get to work.

building the Depression Monster i

A while back, I mentioned that I was starting my new album Depression Monster. This is the first of my recording blogs.

Last time, I started the recording process when I had enough songs for an album. Between then and now, I've been kind of prolific. This time I came to the process with sixteen completed songs. There are others, but they're either going to need severe revision or abandonment. The sweet sixteen? I'm pretty confident in most of them.

I do not, however, have a clear perspective on them. I only had two that I am completely sure of, and the others, well, I can't yet come to any clear judgments. And for that reason, plus the fact I had Skeleton Coast pretty exquisitely mapped out and wanted to really shake up the process, I felt the urge to get more outside opinions.

So step one was to share the songs with my coconspirators. To this end, I ordered a fairly cheap yet surprisingly decently sounding in spite of its insanely high gain USB microphone and did single track "mic in the room" demo recordings. I tried to get these as good as I could, but as these were only for internal use, I didn't get perfectionist on them or anything. I then sent these out to the guys (via Facebook message, although we plan to mostly share via SoundCloud...but I've been busy) for their takes on track choice and arrangement.

I got producer-man's take on the songs yesterday. He selected eight tracks for us to record. The two I would've fought for made the cut. I'm surprised by two other selections...but they all work together pretty well, so it should be good.

He also included his thoughts on arrangements and such...and they were fairly insanely detailed, much more than I expected. The album will be constructed on a firm sonic landscape. It will be much more open and airy than the last one; that one tended to adhere, for various reasons, to the Wall of Sound/Everything but the Kitchen Sink school of song construction. I think Pink Floyd would be a good reference point (particularly as, I am dramatically out of touch, I don't get the references my producer gave me).

I had a few suggestions on the arrangements, mostly having to do with adding a bit of grit, mostly in terms of adding weird distorted bass (as well as a touch of the obligatory distorted guitar). But my suggestions were merely fine tuning...we already have a great plan. I think the best parallel is the storyboarding for an action sequence. Now we tweak.

The next stage is to figure out how we're actually going to record...but I'm going to the producer's housewarming party this weekend, and I assume agenda-planning is on the agenda.

Monday, May 25, 2015

let's play a game!

Every so often, I like to play weird word games. Way too many people have heard my "that would be a cool band name" game. Lately, I have started thinking of a new game...and I think it would be a fun one to play with you, my readers.

The new game is called "what cool popular culture phrase would make a good epitaph?"  I've been thinking about this for a while. My entry comes from the world of 70s pop:

"I gave you my heart, and I tried to make it happen.
You gave nothing in return."

Please post your answer in the comments...unless, that is, you want to be like Lionel Ritchie's subject.

bored

During her last visit, my mother told my nephew that she had declared war on the word "bored." Being bored, she feels, just means you are not trying to find something to do. It is, it seems, a matter of taking ownership over the activities in one's life.

Coming from my mother, this is not a surprise. I remember her saying similar things when I was a kid. And as a parent myself, I can certainly relate to the logic behind such a statement. None of this, however, changes one basic fact: I am bored. Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored.

My wife and urchin are both sick. This means that neither of them are really all that active or enchanting (this weekend, that is). So things like going out? Playing? Out of the question. Weekends are always a bit questionable with my kid anyway. She gets more weekend time with me than with her mom, so on the weekends, she tends to ignore me. When she's sick? Even more so.

So what did I do today? I ran the dishwasher. I made stock. I sorted and took out the recycling. I made freezer burritos. I went to the grocery store. I watched a bunch of My Little Pony with my daughter (who was ignoring me). Nice show, but I was really hoping it was not the highlight of the last few days. I thought about duct-taping up the hole in my car, but I decided to leave some excitement for tomorrow.

There are a few other things at work. It's not that I don't know anybody in the area...but since I turned 40, I spend more weekends by myself than with people I know. I moved up here when I was 28, and I usually could always count on being out with people a couple of nights a week. Then, at some point, it's almost like a tap turned, and everyone disappeared. No one wants to go out.

It was somewhat easier when I still was drinking, because I could at least talk to bartenders. Clean living might be healthier. It is not, however, any less boring.

Sunday, May 17, 2015

full day

I played two shows today with my trombonist. For the first, we got paid in eggs, honey, plants, green onions, and organic jelly. For the second one, I finally sold the seventeenth copy of my album...plus one of my own songs got a better reaction than my Mikey Cyrus, and I had people pogo-ing to another.

Dreams do come true, people.

Thursday, April 30, 2015

shifting versions

While I was recording my album Skeleton Coast, my producer asked me why I didn't assemble a band...so I could promote the album with more complete performances. At the time, though, I already had a rock and roll band, and I was quite happy also doing solo performances. I had one music outlet which allowed me to make noise and another which allowed me to be self-sufficient.

But between the end of recording and the release, I got accepted for a local music fest. I got a wild hair and decided to put together a solo band...so I could at least hear a full version of the songs once. We decided on a band name (The Antidepressants). Then the bassist had to drop out, so I had to reshuffle the lineup from beta into version 1.1 even before our first gig. In the end, though, we did the gig and did a good job. I liked the feeling of leading my own outfit instead of just being the "insert noise here" guy. As we played the festival, I had high hopes for more...but then, for a myriad of reasons, we broke up within a few days.

My rock band also broke up almost simultaneously, though, so in a matter of days, I went from having it all musically to having hardly any outlet other than just plunking on guitar. I did quickly join Midwest Tourist, and I love playing in this band. It does not, however, really fulfill my need to play loud guitar. There was one show where our normal guitarist couldn't make it, and I had to fill in on guitar instead of sticking to my normal banjo. It was fun, but it changed the band music way too much...my drummer said it was almost as if we changed genres, and I had to agree.

I had real hopes to play with my own band again, but I really had no clear idea if I ever would be able to so. Musicians are usually a fickle group, though, and it's not like I was getting more friends or free time. But when I got another festival gig, the old familiar wild hair struck again. Plus my body was at too desperate of a state of rock and roll withdrawal...so once again, I decided I needed another group of musicians.

The Antidepressants 2.0 only took a bit of wrangling to assemble. The first practice went well. The second practice went so well, I felt inclined to ask everyone if they might want to play together in the future... and they agreed. I had a rock band again! We played the festival, and it went great. I booked a show, and it also went well. Life was good!

When I attempted to set up another practice after our second gig, though, the drummer told me he couldn't commit to very much over the summer. I panicked, but my bassist announced that he'd solved the problem: he had found another bassist, and he was going to move to drums. And thus The Antidepressants 3.0 was born.

Of course, this level of certainty didn't even last ten minutes, because right after telling me about our new lineup, he informed me he was going to be moving at the end of the summer. Version 3.0 of my band might be ready, with gigs booked and everything, but it apparently has a built-in shelf life.
So now, I'm left with two opposing missions: prepare for the immediate active future of my band while simultaneously contemplating just how I might possibly assemble yet another version. This one is compounded by the fact my current bassist is borrowing his bass from my drummer...the same drummer who is out of here in a few months. This is no simple band realignment but a total reconstruction. My trombonist is staying, but I now need a new full rhythm section.

Problem is, however, I have no idea where to get either a new bassist or drummer. Where I will get both? No clue. The producer for my second album has offered to play drums, but he also told me he'd probably be moving in December. This would mean that version 4.0, which would replace the temporary version 3.0, would itself be temporary...and that I would have to immediately start work on version 4.0.

Frankly, I'm getting confused just thinking about it. I have no idea how or even if things are gonna work out. I guess I should be sort of confident. After all, if I can make this work three times, then what's to say I can't do so again? And again? Continuity would be nice...but I guess I gotta do what I gotta do. At any rate, I can always just do things myself if it comes to that.

If you, dear reader, is either a bassist or a drummer, though, you should really give me your number.

Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Magic 8 Ball needed

Is there legitimate reason to be hopeful at all about politics? Normally, I would say that any optimism in this area is really just delayed disappointment. After all, I didn't expect Obama to increase the police state when I went knocking on doors on his behalf.

This time, though, presidential politics could get interesting. Why? Bernie Sanders is running... and if there's anyone who can upend the process (as Matt Taibbe argues), it's Bernie.

Still, it would be nice if someone or something could tell me if I should I should have hope.

Thursday, April 23, 2015

research ideas for sale i

I get a lot of ideas which could easily become focuses of my research. The thing is, I no longer do research, and I have no real intention of doing any for as long as I live. Usually, when I get one of these ideas, I just try to figure some way to beat it out of my head before moving on to more productive lines of inquiry (such as how to perfect my hot chocolate recipe). Now, however, I have another idea: license them out to people who in the academic game yet not completely disillusioned by said game. For a modest fee, this idea can be yours. Here's my first possibility:

For a while, I have been fascinated with fake product reviews on Amazon. I particularly love it when they move into activism (usually aimed at some example of industry malfeasance). The most known of these are the Amazon user reviews for the Bic Cristal 'For Her' pen. Yes, this is a pen specifically marketed towards females. It differs from normal pens by having a daintier barrel and pastel packaging.

This is truly a product which deserves to be mocked, and the customers do so in wonderful ways. One of my favorite parts of this listing is in the user questions. Someone asks if the pen is safe for her husband to use, and the reply is "It is unknown if a male can actually use these with their big strong hands they might just end up snapping the pen which would result in ink spillage and possible ink stains." And if someone is not currently working on an analysis of the gender activism in the contents, I would be mightily surprised.

My idea for sale, though, goes deeper into the phenomenon. The product in question is the AudioQuest K2 Terminated Speaker Cable. Unlike the pens, this originally became the target of snarky reviews because it was listed with a $6800 price tag. The reviews are generally great. What's even better, though, is that one reviewer went further and created a science fiction story review.

Hence, my brilliant idea: literary analysis of sarcastic/activist Amazon reviews!

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

agony and the ordinary

The hardest thing I ever have to do is, while in the midst of a depression fit, try and perform some/any normal task. Everything in my mind wants me to shut down and whimper. Every part of my body wants me to just stagnate. When I, on top of all this, have to hold back the floodgates to do something... total and complete hell.

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

it runs in the family!

I'm in my study grading. My daughter came in, climbed on the futon, grabbed my mandolin, and started strumming. This, however, wasn't enough. She soon started singing a number of her own composition. I'm not 100% sure what it was about, but I know it started, "some things are big, some things are small."

Her mom came in to change my kid's socks. As soon as she finished, my daughter turned to me and asked, "would you like me to play more songs for you?"

That's my girl.

the greatest thing you will see today, 4/21

Ever wonder what classic video games would look like if done by renaissance artists? Well, wonder no more. Isn't this a great time to be alive?

Monday, April 20, 2015

wisdom

I'm at the coffee shop with my kid. John Mayer comes on the radio, and she turns to me and says, "this is good music to go to sleep to." Wise beyond her years, my girl.

Sunday, April 19, 2015

letting the Depression Monster loose

In the very immediate future, I will start recording the follow-up to my debut solo album Skeleton Coast. I swore this wouldn't happen until I broke even on album one (I still need some sales to hit this mark), but an unexpected opportunity arose...so it's time to start album prep work.

I had a blast recording Skeleton Coast, and I'm fiercely proud of it. This one will, however, be different. For one, I'm collaborating with two people not on my first album. The producer will be Nic, a drummer/musician/instrumentalist. I will also be joined by my high school friend Thom, a bassist/fuzz pedal aficionado. Different band equals different vibe by default. But there will be other, more conscious differences.

First, the actual recording structure will be different, primarily because Thom lives in California. Yes, this is going to be a long distance band! I'm excited to see how this will affect the final result.
This will also be a much more acoustic album for me. The main texture will be of acoustic guitar, with liberal doses of banjo and mandolin thrown in. I'm not saying I won't pick up the electric, because I will...I've got a great sounding new amp that I want you to hear.

Part of the reason I won't be slathering distorted electric on this is that we will be going for completely different textures. The producer really knows his electric toys. Furthermore, the bassist loves his effects almost as much as I love mine, and you don't hear enough distorted bass in this world...so if I can help you hear more, then I must do so.

I also expect there will be much less layering. One Skeleton Coast song (can't remember which) has six guitars and mandolin, plus a few ambient sound tracks...in addition to bass, drums, vocals. I'm really gonna try to not employ the "everything but the kitchen sink" approach this time.

I also hope this goes a bit quicker this time. I'm generally not a huge fan of the recording process...it's too "hurry up and wait" for my tastes. Last time, we were going at it for five months or so, which meant I hurried up to wait an awful lot. This time, I'd like to save my sanity a bit.

What won't change is the lyrical themes. I did try to move in different directions, but the depression monster started to rear its ugly head every time I set pen to paper. Oh well...better to have him running rampant in my words than in my life. This is why I've decided to name the album Depression Monster...give the bastard some credit, you know.

I've also decided to blog the whole process...so watch this space for more details...and start saving your money for your own copy when I finally get to release Depression Monster.

It should be good.

Thursday, April 16, 2015

goosebumps

It's true that I might be setting myself up for heartache, but I gotta admit: I'm pretty psyched. Why? This:

and now, to balance the doom, a moment of cuteness

My daughter and I have an interesting dynamic. When my wife is home, my kid likes to play hard to get with me. She'll duck out of the way when I try to hug her. Lately, if I do kiss her, she'll tell me she took the kiss and threw it out the window (or something even sillier). It's a fun game we play, all the more contrasted that, when it's just the two of us, we'll often "play a game of hug & a kiss."

Yesterday, when she woke up, she came into my room to snuggle. After a few minutes, she turned to me and said, "Daddy, when we play hug & kiss in my bedroom, I put your kisses in my heart." Of course, I started to liquify. But then she clarified: "My heart is in my back. That's because I'm a unicorn." I started to laugh, and then she looked at me, adopted the look of a sage, and informed me that "girls are unicorns, and boys are trucks."

Where trucks keep their heart, however, is still a mystery.

an update on pain

A while back, I chronicled my increasing incidents of arthritis. This post provoked a bit of reaction, most humorously from my mother, who told me that entering middle age was really entering "a world of pain." Pleasant woman, my mum, particularly when she uses language cribbed from professional wrestlers.

Shortly before writing the post, I started to experience discomfort in my right hip. I thought I'd pulled a muscle or something...but seeing as the pain still hasn't gone away, I guess you can chalk up another body part to the arthritis monster. I've been puzzling for ages as to why all my arthritis seems confined to my right side. This morning, however, there was a bit of soreness in my left thumb. Yay.

Be prepared for an increase in the admittedly sizable volume of moaning! Also, I probably should start buying Aleve by the barrel.

in defense of bullies

If you've been following (or even glancing at) my "time to be scared" category, you know that I am particularly afraid of government surveillance. This just happens to coincide with the articles I've ran across. I actually have much greater--exponentially larger, in fact--hatred of the world of big business. Big business, in my opinion, is a much greater and inescapable force of oppression in most people's lives. That people trust businesses more than government? This makes no sense to me at all.

So, when I ran across the editorial "It's Okay to Bully Corporations," I couldn't help but be a little thrilled. I completely agree with the point that we should use every tool in our power to fight for economic justice. But I'm enough of a wordsmith (sorry to be pretentious, but I can't think of a better term) to really cheer for the article's claims about diction. I have more than a bit of wrath for anyone who co-opts the language of the oppressed to support the oppressors.

We should also be allowed to bully those nimrods.

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

time to be scared v

By now, you know that I'm not the biggest fan of the NSA. I am a firm believer in the right to privacy. Privacy is important for many reasons beside the "I want to get away with something illegal" excuse. But don't take it from me. Instead, listen to the expert:


What bugs me about the NSA is the attitude that anyone concerned with privacy must be a terrorist. Hell, just using online privacy tools makes you a surveillance target. For this reason if no other, everyone should download Tor and use it to browse the most disturbing sites they can find...you know, just to make the NSA's job more interesting.

The wacky folks at the NSA are, however, now one-upping themselves. NSA director Michael S. Rogers now wants front door access to all cryptography used in the US.  In simple terms, they're saying that no one should be able to have any secrets or information the government cannot access at will. This frightens me. I don't really think the government is pure evil. However, making them all-powerful and giving them the tools to invade every aspect of each citizen's life seems a little too trusting...not to mention a bad idea, because it would take just one evil person armed with the right tools to destroy you.

Some say that if you have nothing to hide, you shouldn't need privacy. I say that if you have nothing to hide, then you should be the one speaking out most vociferously in its defense.

Tuesday, April 14, 2015

it's been that kind of day

One of the best things about embracing the randomness of life is that it saves one a lot of trouble and heartache. If, for instance, one has the kind of afternoon as have I, it's easier to believe that there's no order...because if there was, I'd feel way too persecuted to be able to function. It's hard to be paranoid if you know that life is just a bunch of random, heartless crap.