the obligatory depressing post, courtesy of a certain conservative newspaper suppliment

In case you missed it, this weekend's newspaper contained that very special issue of Parade which throws me into fits of melancholy on an annual basis: the "What People Earn" issue.

Now, I'm actually way past moaning about celebrities making exponentially more than me, even those talentless hacks like the Hilton or Simpson sisters. Doesn't bother me. The secret? I just took to heart Jimmy Carter's dictum "life ain't fair."

No, what I'm bummed about this time are the stupid and illogical jobs that get paid more than me, a Ph.D. in a full-time university teaching position:

• psychic
  
• bounty hunter
  
• tow truck driver
  
• locksmith
  
• screen printer
  
• dental assistant
  
• casino dealer
  
• massage therapist
  
• Branson MO singer
  
• rodeo steer wrestler
  

Yes, it's bad. Of course, with our current contract negotiations, there's a good chance that my earnings will plummet. But it could be worse; I still earn more than a hospital clown or a competitive eater.

But if the pro lacrosse mascot overtakes me next year, I will be mighty ticked off.