It is increasingly important to maintain a proper perspective.
It's been one hell of a couple of years for me. I had my failure at my chosen career rubbed into my face many times and, as a result, have had to rethink my life, my beliefs, my priorities. I continue to battle depression. I am unbelievably busy, with little to no time to engage in many of the creative pleasures which keep me relatively sane, such as practicing guitar or (as obvious by my volume of posts lately) writing. I have pretty severe bouts of brittleness and loneliness. I suffer many inconveniences and annoyances, all before the taking of a toast and tea (so to speak).
I'm dealing, in other words, with a lot of crap. Overall, I think I'm dealing with everything pretty well in general, may the medication be thanked. There are days, though...there are days where things just bother me...things I know I should really discount or ignore. There are days where I feel the strain. Ours is not to wonder why, ours is but to do or die...that kind of thing.
Today is one of those days where the pendulum had certainly swung. But, as I get ready to retire, what do I take with me? That is the question. Not arguments. Not jealousy. Not anxiety. No, I'm going to remember coming home after another shift of night classes, opening the door, hearing my daughter squeal, and seeing her bursting into the living room, wearing a transcendent smile.
Perspective is important.
2 comments:
I hate to be insufferable, but I never see or hear anything about talk therapy. My only somewhat-uninformed opinion is that psychotropics are awesome but have to be paired with talk therapy. I'm not alone in this one. The NIH has somewhat stolen my soapbox here: http://news.yahoo.com/study-talk-therapy-may-help-depression-medications-inadequate-195700987.html
Even if I'm wrong about the "have to" part, the above article indicates that it might be helpful. I'll stop posting about that now.
PS: I'm with you on so many fronts. It's the "Da-da!" that keeps me from spending too much time with that aging, failing motherfucker in the mirror. I may be mediocre in so many ways, but I think there's a good chance that I'm damn good at loving my kids, and I'm starting to learn how to really do alright by my wife (by my standards; she's always been a bit easier on me than I have been on myself)--I might even remember to get her an anniversary card this year. Keep your stick on the ice. We're all in this together
Yay Red Green reference.
I would love to do talk theory. The problem, however, is one I've documented here before (http://themikedubose.blogspot.com/2012/03/floating-not-sinking.html).
So I really need two things: 1, a good person to talk to, and 2, some time to go talk to said someone.
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