The Inspired Drunk

It was pointed out to me last night that it had been a while since I blogged about making a new cocktail.  Inspiration can come in many forms...and sometimes I even take requests! So let me introduce you to The Inspired Drunk:

• Throw some ice into a pint glass...preferably one with a cool design...or one stolen from a local bar.
• Add one measure of rum and think of the islands...and how glad you're not in those malarial hell-holes.
• Add a half measure of strawberry liqueur...or crush a handful of berries from the farmer's market into the glass and up the rum content.
• Pour to the top with a good root beer. This drink demands IBC or better...because you're worth it, damn it.  Okay, maybe you aren't, but I sure am.
• Stir, sit back, and enjoy while watching some high class, sophisticated, cultured, and educational television program such as Naked and Afraid. After all, the point of television is to laugh at weirdos, right?

Another Damn Monday

Tired after sending tons of "you haven't done any work in three weeks so you probably won't pass" e-mails? Wondering if anyone will ever call you and ask you to go to a bar? Feeling sorry for yourself? Fearful of how much your daughter will turn into a demon child from the netherworld throughout the night? It's time for a new drink! I call this one the "Another Damn Monday":

• Place some ice in a pint glass
  
• Fill the glass 1/4 up with vodka
  
• Fill to the halfway mark with white grape juice
  
• Top off the glass with ginger beer
  
• Try not to think of it only being the beginning of the week
  

the baby headache silencer

Have the most beautiful girl in the world, but she loves spending days being (how shall we say) grumpy? Why, you need a mixed drink! I call this one "the baby headache silencer":

• make one glass of cocoa
  
  
  
  • note: while you can use any cocoa you like, home-made is best. here's a recipe:
    
    
    
    • combine 2 cups powdered sugar, 1 cup Dutch-process cocoa, 2 1/2 cup powdered milk, 1 tsp salt, 2 tsp cornstarch, 1/4 tsp ground chipotle
      
    • mix well, store in a sealed container
      
    • use 1/4 cup of this mix for each cocoa mug
      
    
    
  
  
• add one splash of peppermint schnapps
  
• add one splash of wild strawberry liqueur
  
• stir
  
• take painkiller of your choice
  
• enjoy while trying to remember what it was like to be pain-free
  
• apply heating pad to shoulders
  

D2D

Sitting at home on a Friday night? Watching your spousal unit feed your progeny unit while others are at the bar? Why, you need a drink! I call this one the "Drinker to Daddy":

• four ice cubes go into a highball glass
  
• add one measure of dark rum to remind yourself of the exotic life you used to lead
  
• add a half measure of peppermint schnapps for the zest your drinking friends are no doubt experiencing
  
• add a half measure of strawberry liquor for sweetness to rival the smile of your kiddo
  
• top with cran-grape and stir
  

The Heating Pad

Have two types of tendinitis in one shoulder...and a pulled muscle in the other (which actually hurts worse)? Still working on recovering from the insomnia which had the bad timing to ruin for you a rare sleep-through-the-night session from your progeny unit? Afraid to say too much about your afflictions in fear of having friends call you a whiner? Why, you need a drink:

• take a double dose of some generic ibuprofen variety
  
• place three ice cubes in a cocktail glass
  
• add one measure of Tennessee whiskey (although rye or bourbon would do in a pinch)
  
• add one half measure of triple sec
  
• top with a good ginger beer
  
• hope the concoction quells the aches in your torso
  

addendum

For the second go-round (hey, the recipe only uses half of the ginger beer...I have to make another!), as the original drink used up all my Tennessee whiskey, I was moving to rye....although I wasn't singing "this will be the day that I die" or indeed anything else. I decided to similarly replace the triple sec with some strawberry liqueur. The resulting variation? I call it The Ice Pack.

The Urchin Sabbatical

Contemplating a semester with no student contact? Had a long day being parental/homemaker/cooking unit? Need a pick-me-up? Well, then, you're in luck...because it's time for a new drink! I call this one The Urchin Sabbatical:

• put a few ice cubes into a highball glass to remind yourself what a cold, lonely world it can be
  
• add a measure of vodka in honor of all the drunken undergrads you will never meet
  
• add a half measure of raspberry schnapps in salute to the fruity comrades who are taking your classes while you wash diapers
  
• top with a good ginger beer...because you're a zesty guy, damnit
  
• stir, sip, enjoy, while contemplating late night feedings
  

the second band

Time for a new mixed drink? Why, yes, it is!

• Fill a highball glass half full of ice
  
• Add one measure of cheap Scotch
  
• Add one half measure of Raspberry Schnapps
  
• Top with Seven Up
  
• Drink, enjoy, and wonder how you're going to learn a full set in one week before your debut in a new band
  

The Sleeping Baby

You know what it's time for? Yepper, a new drink! I call this one "The Sleeping Baby":

• take a highball glass/juice glass/sippie cup and put in a few ice cubes
  
• add one measure of vodka while thinking of the gulags
  
• add one measure of wild strawberry liqueur while thinking of the forests
  
• add a half measure of raspberry schnapps while wondering why "raspberry" has a "p" in the name
  
• top off with orange juice
  
• stir, drink, relax, and watch your formerly sleeping child squirm
  

the Rusty Scotch-Aid

Sitting around late at night watching television? Depressed at the state of the world, your state government, the forthcoming sinus infection, and hopes of a successful resolution to the NFL labor situation? Maybe it's just me...but at times like these, I think the best thing to do is (wait for it) create a new mixed drink! I call it "the Rusty Scotch-Aid":

• take a high-ball glass and add ice
  
• pour in a healthy slug of cheap Scotch that someone gave you
  
• squeeze in a quarter of a lemon and dump in the remainder
  
• add a tablespoon or so of sugar syrup...more if the Scotch is particularly cheap
  
• top off with soda water
  
• stir, sip, and watch scary television
  

beverage: the Candy Corn

Due to popular demand, here's another mixed drink, perfect for those autumnal feelings! As a word of fair notice, there is no actual corn in this beverage.

• Chill a couple o' martini glasses
  
• Fill a shaker most of the way up with ice
  
• add
  
  
  
  • 2 measures of bourbon
    
  • 1 measure of triple sec
    
  • 1/2 measure of peppermint schnaps
    
  • fresh local apple cider to within an inch o' the top
    
  
  
• shake well to combine while doing a light "cha-cha-cha" dance to remind one's self of summer days gone by
  
• pour the mixture into said glasses
  
• add a splash of grenadine to each, making sure not to stir
  
• sip while contemplating how to carve an erotic design onto a pumpkin of your choice
  

drinking cures pain

I haven't even hit the ripe old age of 40 yet, but my body is falling apart. First, I have a rotator cuff injury (which comes, I suspect, from too much "rocking out"). Then I get tendinitis in my foot. And right after that starts to heal, I pull a muscle in my (until recently) uninjured shoulder. Grrr.

Naturally, there is only one thing I can do: create a mixed drink! I call this one "The Anti-inflammatory":

• Take a highball glass and add several ice cubicles.
  
• Add one shot of bourbon and one shot of triple-sec.
  
• Top off with apple juice, stir, and dream of pain-free days.
  

I must add that this is one damn delicious drink. I sometimes amaze myself with my general brilliance.

pre-vacation drinking

Shortly after packing for the brief summer visitation, I created another drink! I call this one "The Kentucky Apple":

• ice up a high-ball glass
  
• pour in one measure of rum
  
• top off with Jones Green Apple soda
  
• mix
  
• splash in some wild strawberry liquor
  
• enjoy while waiting for your spousal unit to pack
  

Actually, I think that the Jones Soda might very well be the key to mixed drink nirvana.

desperate times call for a desperate drink...

...and I call this one the "Final Exam":

• throw a bottle o' vodka and a martini glass into the freezer and wait a while
  
• after doing some grading and hating mankind, fill a shaker with ice
  
• add
  
  
  
  • 1/2 measure of triple sec
    
  • 1/2 measure of peppermint schnapps
    
  • 2 measures of the icy vodka
    
  
  
• shake the mixture while trying to look cool
  
• take the martini class out of the freezer and add two twists
  
• pour the drink into the glass
  
• enjoy while plotting the downfall of undergrads
  

The War on X-mas

Since it's been a while, I've decided to make a new mixed drink. Because of the time of the year, I call it (with apologies to Futurama)"The War on X-Mas." Here's how it rolls:

• Fill up a pint glass with ice.
  
• Squeeze in 1/2 of a lemon.
  
• Add 1/2 measure of strawberry liquor.
  
• Add 1/2 measure of peppermint schnapps.
  
• Add a full measure of Meyer's dark rum.
  
• Top off with fresh squeezed orange juice.
  
• Stir, resist the urge to add a sissified umbrella.
  

This beverage is best enjoyed while watching football and planning out tomorrow's spree while trying to ignore the increased level of credit debt.

taking the chill off with a lovely beverage

I call this one "The Sub-Zero":

• take a mixer and fill with ice
  
• add
  
  
  
  • 1 measure dark rum
    
  • 1 measure tequila
    
  • 1 measure vodka
    
  • 1/2 measure triple sec
    
  • 1/2 measure strawberry liqueur
    
  • 2 TBSP sugar syrup
    
  • 2 measures grapefruit juice
    
  • 3 measures cranberrry juice
    
  • light squeeze of lemon
    
  
  
• shake vigorously
  
• pour into glass 2/3 full
  
• top off with seltzer/soda water
  
• garnish with lemon wedge
  
• sip and try to forget your heating bill
  

the sutured wound

In honor of my addled-finger state, I have invented another drink, which I call "the sutured wound":

• fill pint glass with ice
  
• fill 1/3 with rye whiskey
  
• add a splash each of strawberry liquour and triple sec
  
• top off with good ginger beer (note: ginger ale, particularly the syrupy mass-market crap, is not acceptable), stir
  
• sip gently while watching sport and dreaming about that perfect location for a nice, sexy scar
  

another beverage

I call this one the "Writing Depression":

• Fill a pint glass up with ice
  
• fill 1/4 with vodka
  
• 1/4 wild strawberry liquor
  
• splash of triple sec
  
• top off with club soda (preferably Big K brand)
  
• sip while watching football, trying to figure out how to fix your manuscript problems, become self-deluded that you'll actually finish the book in 11 days.
  

more mixology

Boredom and general summer had caused me to create another customized beverage. I call this "the summer vacation":

• four ice cubes in a pint glass
  
• 1 1/2" to 2" vodka
  
• a splash of triple sec
  
• fill up 1/2 of the remainder with cranberry/something juice
  
• top off with soda water
  
• stir, add stupid garnishes, wear shorts, contemplate sleeping in late
  

my contribution to the world of mixology

I just created a new drink.

• ice up a glass
  
• pour in 15-20% golden rum
  
• splash in some triple sec
  
• top off with apple juice
  
• splash in a little grenadine
  
• stir, garnish with an apple wedge (and a little umbrella thingie if you've got it)
  
• imagine you're in an orchard watching the sunset with some cute country girl by your side while you sip gently
  

I don't have a name finalized yet, but I'm leaning towards a "Mike-intoch"